Frisky Friday – Delicate Fun

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

Often, the most gentle of touches can be the most titillating. Of course, it depends on what one likes.

Sensations can be heightened in a few ways, so delicate touches are more engaging. Ice, hot wax, and spanking are some of the ways people make this happen.

It turns out that pain and pleasure are not completely different in the brain. That’s old news to some and unknown to others. They overlap. For some, that overlap may be greater.

Now some of you might be conflicted about this whole idea. It’s bad to hurt others. Well, this is a grey area.

If they want to be spanked, there’s a big difference between beating them and doing it in an enjoyable way. Some of it is figuring out what they like and where pain stops being fun for them.

As a general guideline, when spanking, smack their bottom until it stings a bit. Then run that feather you might have found in that little sex kit you bought that time or your fingers gently over the area. For many, the butt cheeks are an erogenous zone, so your partner may just find themselves incredibly turned on, even yearning for more. Or they might not enjoy it at all.

Ask them.

Everyone is different and someone might like a little kink like spanking while others are into hardcore stuff and others want no pain at all.

Oh, and if it’s all new to you, don’t be afraid to say so. Maybe you’re just interested in dipping your toe in. Maybe it’s all new to your partner too. Read about it. Check for some videos. You can even go to Sexapalooza when it’s in town. I haven’t made it to one of those yet, but who knows what the future may hold.

Whatever you decide to get into, have fun. That’s what it’s all about. If it’s not fun, you’re doing it wrong.

Well, this isn’t where I thought I’d go with today’s post, but here we are…

Have a terrific weekend 😉

R~

Frisky Friday – Teeth in the Bedroom

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

All right readers. I don’t know if you’ve been excitedly anticipating this one, but here goes.

There are a few ways to use teeth in the bedroom.

For some people, a bite in just the right spot can be a mega turn on. Wondering where? Shoulders, bums, and the nape of the neck. Given that nipple clamps are a thing for some, there might be a gentle way to nip, but I’d be careful with that one.

This should go without saying, but just in case, never use teeth during oral sex unless your partner asks for it.

If you’re wondering about braces in the bedroom, check this link out.

There’s also a couple of fetishes involving teeth. Seriously, some people love looking at teeth THAT much. I can’t help but wonder if they’re dentists…

And, um, there’s also toothless oral…

In Canada, we’re heading into a long weekend known as May 2-4.

Lots of play time if you want it 😉

R~

Frisky Friday – 4 Geeky Sexy Things

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

Frisky Friday has arrived and today’s number is 4.

In honour of Comiccon arriving in Ottawa, I decided they should have a geeky twist.

  1. Browncoats Burlesque is a burlesque group in Ottawa known for its geek culture. You know those humpback creatures from The Dark Crystal? Yeah, one of the performers makes THAT sexy! Funny story? Had I not stumbled onto Browncoats, I may never have found roller derby. It was after Comiccon in May 2013 that I saw an ad about a Comiccon related show. I didn’t know a thing about burlesque, so I had a rather eye-opening experience. While there, I met my first friend in Ottawa whose sister happened to be a derby girl. I remember myself repeating, “There’s roller derby in Ottawa?” I had seen Whip It and wanted to try it. Bliss was rather tiny like me after all. Anyway, going to that show led me to roller derby. It also made me redefine what sexy could be.
  2. Geeky Sex Toys is a site that sells items like a Dickpool Bondage Kit in case you want to pretend you’re everyone’s favourite pansexual superhero.
  3. Nasty Dress has a bunch of naughty costumes for your sexy cosplay needs. Or you could always get some silly costumes for cheap at Value Village in the fall.
  4. Typing ‘geek sex’ into a search engine brings up a variety of geek-related porn. You’re welcome.

Have a fun weekend whether you’re making it to the con or not 😉

R~

Frisky Friday – Jung on Sex

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

It turns out Jung wasn’t a huge fan of Freud’s ideas about sex. Not that he didn’t like them at all, but that they were incomplete being based mainly upon sexuality as repression. He questioned himself about his feelings on Freud’s theories because of his own lack of sexual experience. You can read more about that here.

Lack of experience is a thing we all think about. As a woman, some men are excited by the idea of you having more experience, but some others are upset by it. I’ve come across both.

There’s no way around it though. The probability of all partners being completely on the same page in experience, drive, and adventurousness is extremely low.

I’ve come across some who didn’t care either way, but we weren’t long-term compatible.

I think people can get too worked up about this.

Sex is supposed to be fun and what’s more fun then exploring things together?

Some still have this idea that losing their virginity is going to change everything for them. Suddenly, they’ll be respected and make more money and yeah, nope. You’ll still be pretty inexperienced.

So what’s the answer on experience?

I don’t think there is one. Some people are quicker studies than others. Some don’t improve no matter how many times they’ve done it.

I think the only thing you can do is find a patient partner and work together to learn to please each other. Yes, just like everything else in life, you have to learn how to be a good lover. And being a good lover for one person may not make you a good one for a new person because we’re all different.

But it’s fun figuring it all out.

R~

Frisky Friday – Cold Sex

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

It’s been about a month since I felt like writing this type of post and it’s about time I got back to it.

Everyone knows women need time to warm up, but there’s a perception that men are always ready for sex. While many are easier to get excited, quite a few men enjoy and need foreplay too. This isn’t often thought about.

Many aren’t really a fan of the hand unless you use a little lubrication. And it’s not about going for that zone right away either.

Kiss him.

Everywhere.

Run your fingers down his spine.

Get creative.

Be careful though. Some are particular about where you let your fingers wander to and you might want to talk about some things first.

Above all, have fun with each other 😉
R~

Frisky Fraturday – Entropy, Sex, and Music

music1So… I forgot to post yesterday. Sorry for that. I haven’t been sleeping well, or eating well, and there’s tons of homework to get done in these last two weeks. There has been some extra stress in my life recently that I’m not going to get into. Suffice it to say someone wasn’t who I thought they were. And someone else was exactly who I feared they were.

I also have the extra stress of rapidly house cleaning before Monday because they’re doing fire inspections. Why they can’t wait until May, so people don’t have to put their tax papers away only to dig them out again to finish their taxes, I don’t know.

But as my home gets cleaner and as I get an assignment done, I feel a little better.

Entropy and sex. Well, I could go down the rabbit hole of ejaculate breaking apart into individual sperms only to come together again in an egg and create life. That could be seen as entropy, I suppose.

I think it works better as a dating analogy though. Sometimes something busts apart and it can feel like everything is awful, but then it puts you in the position to meet someone that gets you. Someone you actually feel comfortable talking to. And maybe something new and good will be created from it.

Entropy and music? Hmmm, well, we largely learned songs in pieces, put them together, and broke them apart again at troublesome points to get better. I wish I could say I was diligent at learning songs that way today, but playing is more of a soulful stress-relieving thing rather than a thing I see myself doing for a living. It also helps me through writer’s block. Writing songs though? Yeah, I plan to do that.

But I realized tonight that half the songs my last guitar teacher gave us are not my kind of music and I think that’s why I rarely play more than about five of the ones in my book. I should remedy that soon. I love hearing others play things like House of the Rising Sun, but I don’t enjoy trying to play it. Give me some Evanescence, Of Monsters and Men, Blink 182, and maybe some Nine Inch Nails or Manson and I’ll probably be more excited about it.

Anyway, off for food, more cleaning, maybe more homework or work for a client. I have some new plans for my feature film, so I may put some TV on for research purposes.

R~

 

Frisky Friday – Super Sex

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

I hear there are debates that go on about how sex might be with a superhero.

Superman – Faster than a speeding bullet. Sperm like a bullet. You’ll probably die on impact.

Harley Quinn – If you’re not the Joker, her heart won’t be in it, so expect to be disappointed.

Bruce Banner – Don’t make him angry.

Jean Grey – Either tender or death.

The Joker – Really wild, but you probably won’t arrive because it was all a joke to him.

Catwoman – She’s probably flexible, but she’ll just use you.

Ironman – Tony is all about himself so you’ll probably be disappointed.

Wonder Woman – Prepare to be submissive.

Wolverine – He’ll probably ghost you unless your name is Jean Grey.

Poison Ivy – Itchy or a lot of bondage. Maybe both.

Cyclops – You might die. Things happen and it would only take a second for his glasses to come off unexpectedly. Also, who does it with their glasses on anyway?

R~

Frisky Friday – 20+ Things to Expect After Legalization

Jumping_the_SharkAs cannabis legalization slowly inches forward, I thought you could use a post that highlights some things to expect once it’s here.

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert, nor am I giving medical advice.

1. Home Design: You may experience sudden urges to rearrange your living space.
2. Food Innovation: An inherited skill where you make the most amazing and unexpected fusions.
3. Dinner Parties: A unique multi-course dining experience.
4. Increased Libido: It’s the closest thing to a woman’s Viagra.
5. The Munchies: Sometimes you might not even be hungry, but you want to feel something crunch against your teeth.
6. Reduced Inflammation: It’s a natural anti-inflammatory.
7. Higher Patience: You’ll be able to stay calm when an asshole is talking to you.
8. Time Distortion: You may have periods where you ran through whole scenarios in your head and thought you must’ve been gone for an hour when it’s only been 5 minutes.
9. Focus! Oooo, shiny…: You’ll either have great focus or be Dory. Some strains are better than others.
10. Temporary Paralysis: Also known as couch lock. As stress relieving as massage.
11. Healed Trauma: It’s the best thing for managing PTSD.
12. Dry/Cotton Mouth: Even worse when drinking too.
13. Forgetfulness: Some people forget their wallets more often.
14. Highs and Lows: Some strains lift you up and others bring you down.
15. Government Greed: Are they monopolizing the market where you are?
16. Reduced Fear: You might push through whatever plateau you’ve been stuck on.
17. Giving Less Fucks : If you’ve ever been told you have a stick in an unusual place, weed may help you lose it.
18. Music Taste: You might find yourself experimenting with Bob Marley.
19. Intolerant People: Remember that not everyone likes what you like and they might be asses about it.
20. Weird Sensations: Are your teeth floating in your mouth?
21. Paranoia: You *might* become convinced your friends are cannibals and you’re dinner. For more on how that might turn out, check out my short story The Third Wheel.

Happy Friday!
R~

Frisky Friday – A Romantic Checkup

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

So, this week, I started a new thing on my blog where all my posts look at the same word from different perspectives. It was check. Today, I’m looking at it from my usual Friday view.

I think it can be helpful to check where you are occasionally in the romantic sense. For example, for me right now, I know that I’m somewhat interested in a couple of men, but we’re all busy people and so if we go out, it’s all very casual. I know I’m graduating soon and don’t really know what happens after that, so I haven’t wanted to get too close to anyone. I’m hoping to stay in Ottawa, but it’s possible I’ll have to consider moving and while long distance could be okay with the right person, I know I can’t currently promise anything and don’t want to unnecessarily hurt anyone.

Do you know what your current wants and needs are?

It’s okay if you’re just looking for a bed buddy, but it can be awfully awkward to suggest it and not come off sounding like a pervert…

If you have a partner, if can be helpful to check how they’re feeling about the relationship once in awhile. Try not to do it too often or you’ll cause problems where there weren’t any, and that is SUPER annoying, but I think a good time would be while you seem to be going through a rough patch. Those happen to the best of couples.

I rather like where I am because right now dating is completely free from expectations. I don’t know if anything will turn into more, but I’m not focused on it. It’s just one part among many other parts of my life. Sure, I’m hoping to find that person that really gets me, but I feel like that might be easier once school is done and I have a more set schedule.

In my youth, I was so focused on things like having a boyfriend and not on just getting to know someone and figuring out if we were meant to be friends or were actually romantically compatible. It was as if having the title of girlfriend was critical to who I was. While it’s certainly nice to be with someone, I’m not focused on labels these days.

Right now is all about light-hearted fun for me and just seeing where things organically lead. I like that we can all just do our stuff and connect when we have time without some idea that we should be seeing each other more than we are as if we should be blindly following some Vice or Cosmo article on the subject. I don’t need to follow what other people think the relationship checkpoints should be.

I’m also not eager to get to the drama that often comes with being with someone. Fights over things like garbage cans, what’s for dinner, or what movie to watch I’m in no rush for. I find people over-complicate so much in dating.

Another important thing to check in with yourself about in regards to relationships and dating are your deal-breakers and warning flags.

Abusiveness is my deal-breaker.

What’s a deal breaker? It’s something you won’t tolerate in your relationship.

I also really don’t enjoy being with someone who doesn’t have their own hobbies. It’s not that we can’t have some of those in common, but I need alone time to write and create things. I need me time to think about how I feel about stuff that probably has nothing to do with them. I’ve had that relationship where we had to be together almost every minute of every day and it’s suffocating. It’s suffocating to the point of filling me with anxiety and making me not want to spend time together at all.

One thing that really annoys me?

Being bossed around. I’m picky about who I let dictate to me. I’m not your child or your property. I’m my own person who has her own wants and needs. I have agency. I’m not the woman who responds well to controlling behaviours. This is a warning flag for me.

We all have warning flags often gotten from past relationships. It’s important to talk about them when they’re triggered, so you can give a new person a chance. Just because someone does one thing like someone who things didn’t work with doesn’t mean they are in any way like that person. Our instincts are trying to save us from harm, but there may be no real base for us to feel that way.

See I think I’ve even over complicated things.

If you like someone, show them. If they do things that upset you, talk to them about it. Otherwise, have fun.

And that’s how life’s river flows today.
R~

Frisky Friday – First Times

Screenshot_20170515-132753

Image created using Bitmoji

Whether it’s your first time having sex ever or your first time with a new person, it’s often not the best experience.

People get performance anxiety. We see that a lot in things like presentations at school or in martial arts gradings. I’ve seen people lose their place while presenting and become unable to find it again. I’ve seen people make a mistake during a grading and become so flustered they start over and skip a kata entirely to try to fix the time issue caused by starting over and have a complete meltdown.

This totally happens with sex too.

Maybe you go too early like Jim in American Pie. Maybe you just can’t figure out how the hell to get the bra off*.

I feel like people build sex out to be this massive thing like a quest for The Holy Grail when it’s really the most natural thing.

What I’ve found is that the first time is so filled with worrying about messing up that at least one of you doesn’t have fun. It takes time to get to know each other outside of the bedroom and inside it too.

It usually gets better each time you have it. This is because everyone likes different things and their bodies are different. An intact man’s foreskin may not retract normally, for example, and might need extra special care. A woman might need more lube** than average. Everyone has different erogenous zones and half the fun of sex is figuring out what excites the other person. Sometimes you both cum and other times you might not. Especially if one of you is distracted by whatever is going on in your life.

And it’s not like how it is in porn. 

All kinds of things happen with sex that can be totally weird. Vaginas make hilarious noises sometimes because of suction and wetness. People fart accidentally at awkward times. It’s often sweaty.

If you pay enough attention to your partner to notice if they’re having fun, rather than being so self-absorbed that their head could be banging on the wall without you noticing, you’ll probably both have fun. Just don’t ask your partner every two seconds if they’re enjoying themselves. That’s annoying.

Remember to be safe. There is a ton of information out there on using condoms properly.

Sex is supposed to be fun. Sometimes you can’t get in the right head space or you just don’t click sexually with someone. Maybe they like it fast and rough while you like it slow and tender. Maybe they want it multiple times a day and you like it once weekly. This is normal too and it may mean you’re just not right for each other if you can’t find a compromise. That sucks, but it’s better to figure that out before you’re married to each other.

I believe it’s important to be able to talk a bit about sex with a person before jumping into it with them. If the idea of telling someone how you like to be stroked is terrifying, then maybe you’re not ready for sex at all. If it’s because you don’t know, go touch yourself 😉

And that’s how life’s river flows today.
R~

*While it’s impressive to be able to do the one hand thing, most will settle for you being able to get a bra off without it taking forever. Push both sides of the clasp in toward each other if it’s a regular bra. If it does up in the front, maybe just ask your partner for a little guidance 😉

**Lube. Lots of lube. Maybe you think you’re some Casanova who all vaginas get massively wet for, but most of us like lube.