Thoughtful Thursday – Insecurity

thoughtfulIt’s strange listening to others sometimes.

There can be so much pettiness that it makes me wonder if there is hope for a beautiful future on this planet.

We received our marks from first semester.

For the first time in my life, I’m an A student. I’ve not done anything mystical to get there. I just did my homework, handed it in on time, tried my best to follow instructions, participated in discussions, and usually accepted feedback without question unless it was important to question it. My note taking is just okay. Sometimes it’s dismal even. I pay attention in class. If I’m running late, I always make sure they’re aware. I’m behind in all my readings, but I’m still reading the books at least.

There has been the odd person that has grumbled to me about people they don’t think deserve to stay in the program. Sometimes it’s a general nameless grumble and other times it’s specific.

I don’t think this is a positive mindset nor professional behaviour. It’s okay to admit when you don’t have synergy with someone and would rather not work with them, but it’s shitty to claim you belong and they don’t.

Especially if you’ve never seen their work, yours is garbage, and you’re a terrible group partner.

I find it’s insecure people who spend their time complaining about someone else instead of putting the work in that will improve their skills.

Every day we make choices. If you spend more time gaming and reading junk than you do on your craft, maybe this isn’t for you.

Regardless, until you’ve been in the industry for many years and have earned a place by showing you can do good work and many other things we don’t yet know, maybe let the teachers decide who deserves to be in the program and who doesn’t.

I see an A like a brown belt. To the average person, it looks like I’m close to mastery. To most martial artists, it’s the beginning of a long road that may eventually become mastery. At least, I hope it will. In the martial arts I practice, there are 9 black belt levels. In one art, I’m at level 2. In the other, I’m basically at brown belt level. With both, I know there’s a ton more to learn.

Which can only happen if I choose to be willing to learn. It’s up to me to decide whether or not to take each assignment seriously. I decide whether or not I show up every day ready to listen and work hard.

I’m sorry if any of this seems harsh. I’m running on little sleep and half my lunch fell on the ground earlier, so perhaps I’m still grumpy from that. Or maybe I’m just tired of hearing bullshit from people who display the behaviour they claim to hate.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
– Mahatma Ghandi

If Ghandi doesn’t work for you, maybe someone more modern who gives a similar message with more direction is better for you.

And that’s how it flows today.
R~

Symphonic Saturday – Music to Write To

music1I’ve spent most of the day finishing the script for a TV episode.

Music helped me through it.

I’m finding instrumental movie music can be great to listen to while writing. It’s often inspirational and without the words, it’s not overly distracting.

I found a nice long mix on YouTube.

It took all day and part of the evening too. It was like pulling teeth to get the last couple of pages done. Then the system wouldn’t let me log in to hand it in.

So I took a shower and then it was working again.

Anyway, I finally finished and I have a packed day tomorrow, so off to sleep I go.

And that’s how it flows today.
R~

Thoughtful Thursday – A Weight is Lifted

thoughtfulI didn’t realize how much one of my school assignments was weighing on me.

The term project for video production class has been a huge pain. First, we had scheduling issues. Then we had equipment, location, and power issues. Then we couldn’t get equipment during the Christmas break.

Today,  we were having battery issues and had to stop multiple times to charge the camera.

But we got it done!

Outside of the problems, it wasn’t bad. I learned how to make realistic fresh blood from a classmate and once we figured out all our shots exactly, it only took about 2 hours to film.

There’s only a couple more things to finish and hand in then the semester is over.

I meant to post this on Thursday instead of back dating it. I even thought I had posted it. But I fell asleep instead.

And that’s how it flowed yesterday.

R~

Warrior Wednesday – A Rough Start

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The last couple of days have been rough. I’ve had two in a row that I had to be at school earlier and I got up extra early to ensure I actually caught a bus that would get me to school on time. My options are go really early or be late because the bus that would get me there at a reasonable time seems to always fall into a black hole somewhere along the route…

The weather has been really cold. Today was quite a bit warmer, but it was the kind of cold that makes me achy in places like my ankles, especially the one I injured doing roller derby 4 years ago. The walk to the bus stop was more of a limp.

It’s also the time of year where the heat makes my dry eyes drier, so they feel rather like rubber balls and it’s really uncomfortable. It makes me hate screens.

We haven’t had our first Iaido practice of 2018 yet because people were still on holiday and I wasn’t feeling well anyway. Hopefully Sunday will be better. I always enjoy the first practice of the year as we do some special kata to open the dojo. I don’t remember what they’re called, but we clear the dojo of bad energy and it’s really cool.

I’m tired and grumpy, but I have too much to do instead of napping. There’s an assignment due tomorrow, which I’m done. My video group will hopefully be starting and finishing our term project tomorrow also. It’s not as if we haven’t tried several times to get it done sooner. Between scheduling and equipment malfunctions, we’re learning the hard way why casting calls are the way they are. You better shoot video every day you can. On Saturday, we have to hand in the first 10 pages of our feature films, but that’s after we get group member feedback. We also have to hand in our completed TV episode for a currently running show. I chose South Park for mine and it’s really fun to write.  I would love to work on a show like that.

Next week is our last week of semester one. We have an exam on Canadian film history on Tuesday and everything outstanding has to be handed in before the 12th. Thursday’s final video production class is supposed to be watching the films we made.

And that’s the flow today,
R~

Warrior Wednesday – Fighting Oneself

sword

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Sometimes we have to fight ourselves. Actually, I find fighting myself to be the most difficult thing I do on a regular basis.

I wouldn’t say I’m lazy, but I like relaxing in the comfort of my home. If given the choice to stay home or go out, I’ll often choose to stay home. There are so many benefits. I get to sit around in comfy pants, the liquor is way cheaper, I am as warm or as cool as I decide to be, I know how to feed myself and that’s cheaper too, and so on. I’m mostly perfectly happy practically becoming a hermit in the winter.

Except I like to get out once in awhile to  ice skate because it’s the one winter thing I love. Snowboarding was fun at one time, but it’s too dangerous with my neck. I have snowshoes, but they feel like a lot of work. Of course, that could’ve been because I was rather hungover the last time I tried them, but I’m not a super athletic person anyway.

I’d rather geek out with some video games or cocoon in a blanket while watching a movie.

But I’ve also been at war in my own home. As a creative person, I regularly get behind in things like dishes. Well, this week I’ve mostly caught up! I’m feeling pretty good about that. It usually gets a little better after Christmas too.

I have more cleaning to do, but I’ve started making some progress and it feels good. One of the things I’ve done that I’m finding helpful is doing things in smaller chunks. Maybe I only have 10 minutes and I’ll wash the top row of the door inside my fridge. I haven’t got the whole fridge done yet, but doing a little bit here and there has been working better for me than how my mom has always done it. She’d have me help her clean the whole thing in one day and it took so much time that we’d rarely do it.

Another thing I’m fighting is with my writing. I really like to do a project and move onto the next. We can’t do that. We do a draft. Then another. Then another. And sometimes another. I’m looking forward to being done the semester just to work on different things!

It’s funny. When I was signing up for the program, I thought that doing a TV episode, a couple of plays, a short film, and a movie was a small amount of writing. Then I learned that most screenwriters get maybe 1-2 things written in a year outside of their day jobs. Now I see why. It’s a lot more work than I thought!

I’m loving it though.

I feel like I’ve finally found that thing that is my thing. Yeah, I’m capable of doing other things to survive, but this feels different. Even when I’m exhausted, I’m excited about it.

I was drawn to theatre at a young age, but there weren’t enough people in my grade school into it, so the first play I was going to be part of got canned. Someone convinced me to come out to drama club in grade 9 and despite my shyness, I loved it. The people were nice and didn’t make fun of me for being bad at things like volleyball. The boys found me cute, so I dated a few of them. I had a lot of fun in those days.

But then I lost myself for a time.

I’ve found my way back to the path I originally set out on, but was told it couldn’t go anywhere.

Well, we’ll just see about that, won’t we?

I’m pretty damned stubborn and I want this like I’ve never wanted anything before.

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~

Merry Monday – A Schedule Feast

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My life often gets a little busy.  Here was my weekend:

  1. Friday – Final practice then performance for fundraiser. I should’ve probably stuck around to party longer after, but a friend was driving to my area of town anyway.
  2. Saturday – I did dishes, worked on a group presentation, and worked on other homework.
  3. Sunday – I went to church, had the second last practice before my 2nd grading attempt of 2nd level black belt. After that, I donated items, did some groceries, did homework, visit with my little buddy, and capped it all off with B-Movie night.

This is my next couple of weeks:

  1. Monday – Bring my car for a tire retorque. Go to work placement to figure things out. Go to play writing class. Homework. Tweak and submit TV episode treatment. Double feature at the Mayfair.
  2. Tuesday – Two classes (one with presentation). Final practice before grading attempt. Lengthen ties on my outfit for grading.
  3. Wednesday – Class. Wash needed clothing for grading.
  4. Thursday – Two classes. Iron grading outfit. Pack for trip.
  5. Friday – Travel with friends to GTA.
  6. Saturday – Grading. Seminar. Either celebrating or mourning grading results with libations.
  7. Sunday – Do homework while watching the tournament. Food. Travel back to Ottawa.
  8. Monday – Class.
  9. Tuesday to Thursday – Was supposed to be work placement, but we’re postponing until the new year for my sanity and theirs, so just classes and the other usual stuff.
  10. Friday – Homework
  11. Saturday & Sunday – Digi60
  12. Monday – Class. Breathing.

And then I think it’s Christmas Party season followed by Christmas.

Well, I expect I may forget some posts over the next couple of weeks and I’m apologizing in advance. The most important thing is getting my school work done.

If I get time in between that all and continuing my house cleanup, I’ll put some time in editing my novel or maybe even go on a date? Who can really say what will happen on any given day? Working as a planner for a long time taught me plans are limitedly useful and goals with flexible timelines are more important because sometimes it’s really not about how long it takes to achieve something, but more about persevering.

Speaking of my novel, I got this brilliant idea for it the other day and then I forgot it! I was so upset!!! Somehow, I’ve managed to recall what it was, so I am relieved about that. Usually ideas get lost forever if they aren’t written down right away in my experience.

Anyway, I think I have a quiz this morning, so I better study that material. I know most of it, but she might want specific wording…

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~

Warrior Wednesday – Back to School

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Right now the song from Grease 2 is playing in my head.

Yeah, I know that movie wasn’t the best, but I can’t help it.

Yesterday turned out great after a rough start. I was late because my brain decided that it was 10:45 I should catch the bus instead of 9:45. Class was at 11, so you can guess how that went. I let my teachers know and I wasn’t the only one. Apparently, I didn’t miss much in that first 25-35 minutes, so that was lucky.

I was late in part due to stomach issues. More on that tomorrow.

My anxiety was pretty high until this large black man got on the bus. He sat down, started munching away on a packet of red licorice and before long he was singing along with his music. Whether it was the grin on his face or his no fucks given attitude, a smile began creeping across my face. When I got inside the school, it turned into a huge grin after seeing all the students.

Maybe part of me didn’t believe the strike was really over until that moment.

I discovered I’m ahead in most of my classes and that took some pressure off.

After practicing my kata to get ready for my grading two weekends from now, I fought through Final Draft’s stage play alternate personality to complete my comedy sketch for the fund raiser we are doing on Friday. If you’re in Ottawa, you should come out. It’s pay whatever you can and it will help us afford our class trip at year end where we make the contacts we need to hopefully be successful screenwriters.

Here’s the information.

Today was better time wise, though I was a little late for our meeting about Friday’s event.

My stomach was better, so of course Mother Nature decided to pay me a visit and the app I have for that sort of thing decided not to remind me. A nice woman in the Registrar’s Office helped me out and the day got better.

I met with my playwriting teacher and she has my mind blown open with the possibilities for my 10-minute play. I have to figure out how I want to put it together now. This may be one of my most challenging things this semester.

It’s that awkward time of year where my coat is warm enough in daylight and not warm enough once the evening comes. I’m trying to tough it out because I don’t want to pull out the heavy, bulky stuff until it’s a little colder. If I do that, I’ll be in trouble when those -40 days hit.

I’m exhausted, cold, sore, and have homework. I think a warm bath before supper is what’s needed.

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~

Thoughtful Thursday – Uncomfortably Hopeful

thoughtfulI got up late today as I found inspiration to write passed midnight yesterday. Not any of my current projects of course, but I had to get some things down in order to sleep.

Today was the teacher’s vote on the bullshit offer put forth by the College Employers Council. Ninety-five percent of the teachers voted and the results were 86% No. With that high of a backlash, the premier has decided to meet with both sides today to see if they can fix the issues. I really hope she listens to the teachers. I know the colleges are a business and some things may not be financially feasible, but the council has been trying to do things that will be illegal in the coming months in terms of Bill 148. At least that’s what the teachers have been saying. As I haven’t seen the actual contract terms, I can’t say with 100% certainty that is what has been happening. I do trust that my teachers aren’t trying to fuck me over for a few dollars though.

So I’m still a student that doesn’t have classes right now. I hate that I have to put all my hopes in Wynne given her track record, but if she actually gets something done, I might have to thank her for that. I’ll tell her the hydro shit still needs to be fixed though.

It’s hard to stay hopeful when your future is in the hands of people who while supposedly in the business of ensuring we become professionals can’t seem to be professional themselves. There’s been a lot of unnecessary shit like the vote today. They were close to a deal months ago and had one item left to negotiate that doesn’t even cost money, then they throw a new deal on the table that doesn’t resemble anything that was previously negotiated and force teachers to vote?

A lot of time has been wasted and we all just want to get back to school. I don’t know when we might find out if Wynne has been helpful at all, but I’m hoping this shit gets fixed now that the government is getting involved in something they never should’ve had to get involved with.

Quit posturing and actually fucking negotiate please.

It’s a no-brainer to me. Yes, the management needs some say in the curriculum to ensure their students are getting what they came to school for, but the faculty who work in the fields know what the industry needs too. Yeah, some faculty might be less in touch than others. That’s why neither should be in full control of this piece. If your policy is preventing teachers from ensuring the students are ready for the industry, your school is going to drop in enrolment.

People try to paint this about money. Yeah, there’s a money piece. Some of the teachers are getting paid less than minimum wage because of all of the hours they have to prep, mark, meet with students, etc that are unpaid. But that’s only one piece and they had come to an agreement on this earlier in the process. The problem may actually be that both sides care more about control than they do about the students.

I’m sad that I have to place all my hopes in Wynne at this time. The conspiracy theorist in me also wonders if this is part of her reelection plan. She can swoop in and save the day ensuring millions of students and parents are happy and likely to keep her in office or whatever Liberal runs next.

I hope whatever news comes, it’s real. The amount of bullshit emails we’ve been sent over the last month and a half is ridiculous. The president felt like she knew some things she clearly didn’t. It’s as if she thought they’d vote yes…

I guess all I can do is wait and see while doing my projects. I’m going to submit my feature film somewhere regardless of whether or not we get back to class. I don’t know what will be next, but life wasn’t easy before this either.

I would like to just live pretty soon though.

Guid cheerio the nou,
R!

Warrior Wednesday – 11 Days of Remembrance

Today is November 1st. All too often, people rush to get into the Christmas spirit the day after Hallowe’en ends and spare little to no thought for the brave men and women who died so they could have the freedom to do such things. I’m participating in a challenge to share photos online in the spirit of remembrance as we head towards Remembrance Day. Today is an image involving poppies as they are one of the most iconic of war symbols.

sunset-poppy_1280

I was very disturbed earlier this week when I saw someone on my Facebook feed suggesting war could be the way to handle issues when compromise doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t think some people truly understand the horrors that war brings and that we should avoid it at all costs. Too many lives are lost when killing becomes the only answer. I’ve noticed it’s people with no stakes, they aren’t soldiers and neither are their loved one, who are quick to decide this is the path to take. Who cares about a bunch of dead people that aren’t them, right?

Otherwise in the news today was Russia’s involvement in divid US citizens using social media. Groups run by them, such as ‘Heart of Texas’ and ‘United Muslims of America’ were used to incite citizens into violence though many attempts failed. Representatives from Google, Twitter, and Facebook got verbal spankings from many senators when they testified today. Several senators fear we are entering the age of cyberwar where Russia is deliberately sowing discord among US citizens in order to make the country easy to conquer. Not a bad strategy if that’s what the plan was.

Today also brought news that the unions and colleges are heading back to the table to restart negotiations. I’m feeling hopeful that a compromise can be reached and we can get back to being students again. One week off wouldn’t have been bad, but three weeks has been affecting everyone negatively.

Speaking of school, I’m hard at work on the documents for my feature film and it’s time to get back at them.

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~

Merry Monday – Getting Back on Track

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Has it really only been a week since the Ontario Colleges strike started? It feels much longer for some reason. I don’t feel like I’ve been getting as much done as I want to. The strike has thrown me off course a little. I didn’t realize how much having to be at school for certain times was helping me ensure I did other things on time like laundry, groceries, etc. I was eating breakfast every morning before instead of sleeping in because I had nothing to eat for breakfast and didn’t want to go to the store.

Having had my life thrown off kilter a number of times now between going through a divorce and job loss, I’m a little quicker to see it and do something about it at least.

On Sunday, I learned about a man named Richard Hooker who helped restore the balance during a highly polarized time in human history. He said all humans have a basic sense of what’s right and wrong. He advised that the truth gets confused sometimes by passion and/or anger and we need to be able to allow logic to lead us back to the truth. It’s not about following every rule just because they exist. It’s about doing things that make sense. People who can overcome their passion and anger to let the truth in even when the truth proves them wrong are the people that help lead us away from war.

So after church, I hauled ass to get groceries, make a healthy breakfast, and put some laundry on to get back on track before Iaido and B-Movie Club. I grabbed some frozen dinners, so I could fit in a meal after Iaido and hopefully get time to see a certain little boy. All this made my day pretty busy, but I also felt good. He was having fun playing with his sister and auntie, so it was more adult time, but that’s always good too.

Iaido went well. It had me thinking about things like where I want to take my iaido in the future. Oh, we talk like that. There’s the art, then there’s how we as individuals perform the art. So the kata has key things that need to be there, but your timing and some feeling can be different like whether or not you immediately go into jodan after a cut or briefly pause at chudan to show ownership of the centre. This is not for my current level really, but it’s really cool.

Talking after class about Star Wars made me think about the next tattoo I want. I talked to my artist and he thinks it’s a cool one. It shouldn’t take long. I need to decide if I want to go colour or not. Probably will go with colour. I’m really excited about it. Hey, if I get it soon, it’ll be nicely healed in time for the movie 😀

My next plan is to add in some exercise every morning, even if it’s only 20 or so minutes a day. I read that morning exercise does more good than evening exercise as it helps you wake up sooner and get more done throughout the day because you’re energized.

I don’t know how much I’m going to go to class this week. I write better in my own space rather than around other people. I could just start doing things each day like watch something like Hamlet or perhaps Now: In the Wings on a World Stage today. Actually, maybe I’ll find a version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream as that’s one I’ve neither seen nor read, but there were scenes of it in one of my favourite movies, Dead Poet’s Society and I’ve been curious about it for a long time now.

Anyway, I aim to finish my 7-10 page treatment this week then move on to the next items on the list. Those are a rewrite of a document for the PSA project and researching for a presentation. I think the actual presentation will be delayed due to the strike as I imagine he’ll start with whoever was supposed to present in the weeks before my partner and I, but it’ll be good to have information gathered and I can see what my partner wants to do. Our topic has a long history and it’s a lot to cover. I’m thinking we focus on a couple of key people and just briefly mention some other famous ones.

I suppose that’s all for today.

Guid cheerio the nou,
R~