I’m Back!

I join a lot of groups on Facebook for a short time. I like different viewpoints. Two things determine whether I will stick around longer. One is whether or not the people are friendly and open-minded. The other is whether or not the topics discussed are broad. In some groups, they fall into a pattern of discussing two sides of one issue over and over and over. I don’t have time for that nonsense. They are usually topics like whether or not God exists, which can’t be answered by anyone definitively yet and might never be. Or they’re a hot button topic like abortion, which I don’t enjoy repeatedly discussing.

I guess I also feel like I have a relatively short time on this planet and I could spend it rehashing the same things over and again, or I could learn about a wide variety of things and get busy making memories with loved ones. If others enjoy doing the same thing every day, all the power to them. I just end up feeling like I’m stuck in a time loop and not progressing on my goals.

Dreams only come true if you work on them.

My current read, Origin Story by David Christian, is a fascinating one. I’ve hit the point of the book where it talks about Laniakea.

Science is fucking awesome!

And life is too.

I feel more alive than I have in a very long time. Also more like the me I knew before the crappy things became too much of my life. More like a grown up version of the goth girl I was in high school before some people tried to change who I am. It may have taken awhile, but their plan failed. The sad thing is that most of my friends in Ottawa have never fully seen part of me because I was lost for a bit. And by a bit, I mean nearly 20 years.

Don’t let people change you. New knowledge and continuous self improvement are worthwhile ways to change yourself, but other people don’t know what they’re doing in their own lives most of the time, so just do you. Also, there are a lot more people out there, unfortunately, who would rather see people fail because they think life is a competition with others, when it’s really a competition with the self.


  • Bathroom: Not Started
  • Paper: 79 pieces


No change here yet.

  • R. Card: 59.6%
  • S. Card: 38.5%
  • Student Loan: 7.76%
  • Savings: TBD


Body wise, I’m a little frustrated right now. It’s hard to lose weight when you can’t be as mobile. It’s probably time I busted out my OYO Portable Gym and try the 10 week challenge. It’s 3 days at about 15 minutes each. I might not make it through 4 repetitions, but at least I can feel like I’m doing something. I read that as long as I keep my heel on the floor and don’t smash my toe again, I should be able to do some things like rowing, elliptical, and cycling. I’m not sure what to do about the warm up, but maybe in a chair, I will be okay.

I’m not sure when I’ll start this, but perhaps on Friday. Then I’ll be almost done by the time NaNoWriMo starts. Yep, it’s almost time to think about that. Halloween first though.


  • Charlie et la Chocolaterie: 9/30


I moved my piano so that I can just swivel around from my desk to it. My current musical idol, Viktoriya Yermolyeva, has a similar thing going on. You can find her channel here. It’s more comfortable like this. I can play for an hour easily when my bum isn’t sore.

I leave piano lessons so energized! I can’t wait for the next one 🙂

  • Memorize: Let It Be – Super close on memorization. I ended up trying it on almost every sound type in my keyboard as I was exploring sounds that may be good to distort 😀
  • Learn: Downtown Abbey – Getting better.
  • Learn: Smells Like Teen Spirit – Piano power chords will be helpful to know.
  • Practice: C Scale – Getting better.


Okay, the book had to be renamed as Josy no longer has anything to do with being a Page, because that was just unworkable. I’ve made her a kind of regular office worker as I think that is quite relate-able. I don’t plan on talking about her job a lot anyway. Well, not her first position anyway 😉

  • The Spark: 72,259/80,000



So it’s my last week of work. We had our monthly meeting today and everyone got a bit mushy about me leaving. Me most of all.

I have 4 days left and I don’t know what’s next.

Well, I know a few things are on my to-do list as follows:

  1. Taxes.
  2. Apply for EI.
  3. Continue decluttering my home.
  4. Finish draft one on the horror project.
  5. Expand The Page & The Magician.
  6. Tweak and rename Puppy Chow.
  7. Maybe some banking. Definitely some budgeting.
  8. Catch up on sleep, chores, and whatever else I’m behind on.
  9. French class.
  10. Work on other writing projects.
  11. Get back in with my job coach.
  12. Apply for jobs.

I’m sure there is more, but I definitely won’t be bored.

And though I’m sad to be leaving, I’m going to enjoy sleep and a break from the commute.



Yesterday morning, I heard a noise in my condo parking lot. I didn’t react at first. My bed was comfy and I just figured it was someone tired of shoveling the snow or something. Then I heard it again. I looked out the window and there was a man lying in the parking lot!

I rushed to dress, grabbed my phone to call for help, and ran outside. When I got near, another man came and said he had called for help. I put my hat on the man who was on the ground. He had slipped and likely broke his wrist. I ran in for a blanket to cover him until help came.

I started feeling very nauseous, probably due to not having had breakfast yet, and I was coughing because of exercise-induced asthma, which I kind of forgot about because I never run and haven’t skated much recently.

The police came. I felt faint, so I sat down beside my car for a moment. They helped him into a cruiser and I guess drove him to the hospital.

As I walked inside, drenched in sweat, I felt shaky from the whole experience. And wet from sitting in the snow. I knew it was a bad idea, but I felt like it was either that or faint and I figured choosing to sit was a better plan. I also didn’t stop coughing for quite some time after despite having found my inhaler.

Next I felt chilled. Also emotional. It could have been so much worse! I didn’t check one time in my twenties and lost a neighbour who was like a grandfather to me.

It took me about an hour to stop shaking, but I was still twitching for awhile after. Friends told me I’d probably feel really drained soon, so between all that and the snow I stayed home from martial arts.

I used to play roller derby, so I was kind of surprised at how much the adrenaline affected me. But I guess we trained for that and we didn’t play on empty stomachs.

So I learned to always check out the window when hearing a noise. Also, it might be good to have some emergency supplies on hand in case something else happens in the future.

Goals Update


I guess the parking lot experience will help me with a current project as I have a character in an emergency situation. I just have to translate what I felt into movie… Just. It’s a project with a deadline and I’m not allowed to say too much about it, but I’m excited!

I’ve also revised my to-do list, so I can know which projects to focus on first. Ones with official deadlines come first. After those, ones that are the closest to done are next. Mostly. I have a shiny new idea that I’m also researching because I can’t stop thinking about it.


Registration opens tomorrow, so I’m hoping to get in for my next level of French. If so, class starts later this month and goes into June. It’ll keep me pretty busy as French class has been a lot of work in the past.


I revised this to-do list too. The paper in the living room and a door for my bathroom are my top priorities. Eventually, I’m going to get leather repair for my loveseat and dye it a colour that actually goes with the other things I own. Probably black as there are black stains on it, so it will fix two problems.


I have a few things on the go there too, but I’m not rushing to get them done with everything else I have going on right now. Eventually, I hope to have a little more time to gradually plug away at them though. One of them involves painting my scooter and putting new handles on it. Maybe new wheels eventually too as I saw some light up ones that would be fun with the planned paint job…


I’ve finally started using my space gym, otherwise known as the Oyo Double Flex Black Pro; I like space gym better though. I can’t quite make it through a full workout, but some is more than none.

Writing this all down helped me calm down after the parking lot emergency. So did finally watching Incredibles 2. I loved so much about that film including the new math part. I also loved everything they did with the baby.


Thankful Thursday – Weirdness

thoughtfulThere is a lot of stuff happening right now and I have no idea where any of it is headed, but I’m choosing to be positive and thankful that there is so much potential in my life right now.

I’d write a lengthier post on the subject, but it’s National Novel Writing Month and I have a story to write!

For NaNo, I’m working on The Blood Waitress Club. Right now I’m trying to figure out where I’ve left off as I started it a couple of years ago. I’m loving getting reacquainted with it ❤


Warrior Wednesday – Updates


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Natsu Matsuri 2018

It was a soggy day, so the event was moved inside this year. Though it was a little more cozy in the smaller space, it was a success.

My dojo was the opening group of performers and I was leading my portion, which was scary. I can’t recall if I ever heard my sword, or if my heart was simply beating too loud to hear it.

Because we were first up, I got to relax and enjoy most of the day. The booming drums of Oto-wa Taiko were even more amazing than usual. The dancing was more difficult to participate in as it became very challenging to figure out who actually knew the dance you were supposed to follow along with. I didn’t buy much for food as most items had ingredients I couldn’t have or all Japanese labels where I couldn’t tell what I might be eating.

Training in July

I always struggle with martial arts in July. It gets too warm for me in the dojo. I dehydrate easily during this month. I always look forward to the fall when it cools down, so I can train more. I wish they’d get an air conditioner, but the people who own our practice space love the over 40 Celsius days it seems.


I’m looking forward to joining taekwondo. I haven’t set a time for it yet. I was originally thinking half way through August, but that might not be financially reasonable and perhaps I should wait until half way through September. Why half way through? They have a 2-week deal where starting is discounted and comes with an outfit.
It makes sense to me to have my payment schedule close to the beginning of the month, though if I think about it more, I may think it better to have it in the other half of the month. I’ll be combing through the finances soon to see what is best. Many of my current payments are twice a month, so it might not matter.

Yes, I just said I’m struggling with the training I have now and it probably seems silly to be adding more on top, but I believe the cardio aspects of tkd and the different muscle groups used will help me handle more.

Battle on the Home Front

I’m still decluttering and expect I will be fore quite some time yet, but it’s getting better. I now have a pretty nice space in my bedroom for all things music. It looks so slick. I’ll post pictures soon 🙂


I’m starting a new position on Monday. There is much I can’t talk about related to it for security reasons, but I’m not one to spend my free time droning on about work. I’m really excited about it and much of my time this week is being spent getting organized and also changing over from the #writerslife schedule to a regular working schedule.

With gratitude,

Warrior Wednesday – Slow Progress Isn’t No Progress


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My life is in a hurry up and wait stage.

I’m waiting on my debit card for my personal bank account to come. It seems I can’t deposit my HST credit cheque into it until it’s here.

I have a meeting later today about my self-employment related account, so at least I’ll hopefully be able to get some other things moving. I have to go to a different branch because the one I was supposed to go to is having server issues today. Of course. This is my life right now. At least the other location isn’t far.

When I started writing this post last night, I was also waiting to hear the next step for work. A couple of days ago, I had been told there was some sort of form to fill out, but I hadn’t received it yet. This morning I found the link to put in my details for a background check. It was a little longer for me to fill out because I have several post-secondary papers and because I moved around a lot during the year I was going through a divorce. Past applications for security clearance taught me to keep that info handy at least or it would’ve been really painful.

I’m feeling better now that something is moving along.

I know when I start taekwondo, I’m going to be frustrated. It will be hard because I haven’t done that kind of exercise in a long time. I may be in somewhat decent shape for iaido, but I could be better for that too. Taekwondo will use different muscles. Eventually, I expect the two together will make me better at both. I sit a lot as a writer and office worker, so my hip flexors get tight and my glutes are weak. This is bad for posture, which is a major thing in iaido. Those issues will be made better with taekwondo.

Anyway, I may be waiting on a number of things, but the weather is cool enough that I can proceed with some painting in my living room, so I think I’ll be working on that later today. It’ll be nice to have that done before I go back to work full-time.

When I’m not worried about food, I’ll make myself a little zen garden area on my balcony. It wasn’t a great place for a vegetable garden, but I think a nice little meditative area would be great for reading and relaxing. I might need a plan for windy days or anything I put there will be broken. I’m really interested in container succulents, but we’ll see what I can keep out there in the summer. I may have to bring things in during the winter.

Part of me feels like things are moving too slowly, but maybe they’re actually moving at the exact speed they should to let me get all areas of my life in place for what’s coming next.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I celebrated with friends on Saturday. We had a lovely sake tasting adventure where we enjoyed K-Pop videos and fun conversations about anything and everything. I haven’t figured out what I want to do on my actual birthday, but perhaps it’ll be really low-key or maybe I’ll visit a DJ friend at work since I always say I will and never make it over that way.


Make-It Monday – A New Chapter

bitmoji_goalsI’ve had a rough time lately. That job turned out to be fake. I lost money I couldn’t afford. My fears of losing my home and ending up homeless became an even bigger reality.

Luckily, I got another real job that will be starting in a couple of weeks!

In the meantime, the experience has encouraged me to put some things in motion, like furthering my decluttering efforts. What I realized is that it was silly I was waiting so long to do some things like setting up an online store for my books.

My goals are going to change slightly now that I’ve been through this experience.

1. Finances

– Acquire two new chequing accounts that come with free savings accounts.
– Pay off my credit card.
– Pay off the remaining amount of the fake cheque.
– Pay off the last bit of my car loan.
– Pay off my student loan
– Continue doing self-employment activities on the side.

2. Home

– New writing space in my living room.
– Finish painting the living room.
– Musical instruments moved to my bedroom where I used to write.
– Dedicate a little time and money each week to a small fix.
– Replace five particle board bookshelves with two pine ones.

3. Fitness

– Space gym workouts.
– Join Taekwondo.
– Continue Iaido.
– Get a scooter.
– Make it to at least one quad skate a month.
– Ice skate regularly once winter is here.

4. Diet

– Make homemade fermented veggies like sauerkraut.
– Meal planning.
– Eat healthier.

5. Writing

– Make and follow a schedule for all my personal and internship projects.
1) Rough social media plan for my internship.
2) Start the comedy sketch for my internship. [done]
3) Finish editing my novel: The Page & The Magician
4) Revise my short film.
5) Finish tweaking the script for Puppy Chow.
6) Work on that other thing.

6. Sewing

– Get one item made each week.

As  you can see, there is a lot to get done in the second half of this year, but I’m up for it. I’m really looking forward to my new job!

Every day looks a little better than the one that came before it.


Warrior Wednesday – Perseverance


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Life has been a battlefield for me for quite some time. I thought things would be good after my divorce and moving to a new city for a good job. And it was. For a time. Until I was laid off and my position, along with a chunk of my department, was abolished.

So, I riskily spent my remaining assets on the parts of a graduate studies certificate in Scriptwriting because there was at least partially free tuition and I was hating my work. I didn’t feel bad making use of the free tuition as I had been paying taxes for nearly 20 years. Why Scriptwriting? Well, I already know how to write novels and while I could be better at short stories, I’ve at least gotten a couple of those published. Movies are a love of mine and it seemed hard to teach myself the basics, plus there was the benefit of making industry connections.

But since school ended in April, I’ve had to make temporary use of social assistance to survive. It has been better than nothing, but really quite awful and I’ve actually written to one of the new MPPs I met the other day about it in the hopes that others will be helped by some recommended changes.

I say others because today, after sending out upwards of 200 job applications, I have secured employment!

The timing couldn’t be better as next Thursday is my birthday 😀

Once I have some of my debt paid off, I’m thinking about taking up Tae Kwon Do in the fall, or at least when it’s not a heat wave, where my little buddy trains because I hear it’s a good place. I’ve been missing having a hand-to-hand martial art in my life and it fits into other goals I have.

Anyway, I’ve been busy applying for jobs and now I’m busy getting set up so job training can happen and so I’m sorry for an intermittent posting schedule.

Life is heating up as much as the weather, which was 48C with the humidity the other day. It was hotter than Miami, Los Angeles, and Tokyo! I forgot to check Mexico’s weather, but I totally should have.

All this to say, whatever your goal is, keep pushing toward it.

I was letting some of the darkest thoughts get to me and even started having nightmares about becoming homeless or possibly a zombie.  The last couple of months and the struggling in the decade before that have been really hard, but it really only took one day for everything to change that. And, oh boy, I’ve gotten several interviews and job offers all this week!

I’m looking forward to whatever comes next!


Warrior Wednesday – Fighting for Freedom


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It’s really hard to feel free when you’re in the position I am right now. I suppose I have some options, but many of them have things to weigh carefully. Financially, I need to make a serious change if I don’t get a regular job soon. I’m at risk of losing my home.

It’s not that I don’t have desirable skills. There is one particular skill that is making it difficult for me. Which one? I don’t speak enough French. I’m learning it, but I mostly know basic etiquette and swears. One of those is helpful for work.

I’m waiting to hear on the results of a job interview.

Options if I don’t get the job:

  1. Drive Uber: I’m already delivering food through them, but delivering people makes more money. There are drawbacks. One being that I don’t love driving enough to make it my main career. The increase in car maintenance costs needs to be considered. If something happens to my car, I’m back to having trouble paying my mortgage. But the schedule is flexible, which is great for writing. The varied clientele could be inspiring for a story. I could end up working less to pay my expenses. Note: I also recently applied to another type of delivery service that pays more.
  2. Relocate: I could apply to jobs in another part of the country. Peterborough would be my first choice because it’s closer to my family, closer to Toronto (a major film hub in Canada), and there may be more English speakers and less of a need to be bilingual. Also, I really like the dojo there. I could even get back into karate as they do that too. But moving means selling my condo. It needs a bit of work before I can really do that. It also means not seeing my movie club friends much, missing my little buddy, and his sister. I’d miss my dojo too, but I know I’ll see them eventually at a seminar at least. But I could go through all the work of moving again to end up in the same position. It feels like regardless this French issue will continue to pop up in my life. Selling includes extra costs like legal fees that would eat into any equity I’ve accumulated. Moving to Peterborough would put me closer to my family. My parents are in their mid-seventies, so it could become important to be closer to them.

I feel like if my car was paid off, everything would be easier. I’m feeling pulled in a couple of directions and I don’t know what the answer is for me. On the one hand, one of the options has a lot of potential, but on the other, am I done with Ottawa? The only thing I know is that I can’t stay in this limbo state forever. What about the other things I’m already working on here? I think some could be done from anywhere. I’m less worried about the cost of moving than I am about the possibility that no one will buy my condo. That could put me in a worse position.

I think if I don’t hear anything by the end of this week, I’m going to try option 1. Or maybe I should just set that in motion now via email…

The idea of getting back to karate is tantalizing. My life is rather busy for it right now though.

I’ve hardly been able to write lately 😦

I really don’t know what the right decision is on this. I think I can try option 1 for a bit, see if I can make enough doing that to support myself, and if not, go for option 2. I may try both and see what happens.


Make-It Monday – Branching Out

bitmoji_goalsThis week’s theme is “Trees.”

Trees are often in competition for resources. The taller trees get more sunlight and they are the first to make contact with the rain that helps nourish them. Animals seek shelter beneath their boughs. A more runty tree that has unfortunately found itself planted underneath it is unlikely to thrive.

But lightning will strike that big tall tree first and potentially kill it.

I had an epiphany this weekend after chatting with some friends. I’ve been feeling rather scattered as I applied to any job that I could possibly do. It’s made it quite difficult for me on the resume front.

I decided to sit down and think about what I’d really like to do and I’m now pursuing one path more than others. This path will make use of all my skills, pay my bills, and allow me a reasonable amount of work-life balance that won’t leave me so exhausted by the evenings and weekends that I won’t be able to pursue my writing projects and my internship.

All that said, I’m feeling way better. My mindset is positive once again.

I’m now halfway through the edits for The Page & The Magician. Once it’s done, I’ll be doing a grammar check before getting back in touch with the publisher to see if I can resubmit.

I feel like I had been branching out a little too much and lost focus. The branching may have been necessary for growth and to find my path again, so it wasn’t a waste.

Anyway, I got up early today and applied for several jobs with a new resume. My goals have shifted slightly for the best of reasons.

Oh, I even voted in the advanced polls for our next provincial government. This time, I voted for something rather than against or out of fear. It made me feel better than any other time I’ve voted in the almost 20 years I’ve been voting. And now I can pretty much ignore election related news until the election is done on June 7th.